You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
