bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
