Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
