you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
