Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm experimenting with sincerity
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
