Can Purell be used as lube?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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