I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
