I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
