ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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