The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
