About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
