I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
