I heard we made out
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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