Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
