this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
