You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..