I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%