Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(