Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just pynch a tree in the face
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
