trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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