A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
