Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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