a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We got so high we made milksteak
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.