Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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