He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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