Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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