She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
