I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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