I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
