Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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