so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
