I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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