Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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