what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Randomize
