remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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