He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
