Just fell off a train. Bad.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
