My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize