I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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