I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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