Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
