I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
bring money and cleavage
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
