And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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