he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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