Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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