she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
