yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize