I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
