i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
