where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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