So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
