Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
