Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
