I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just cropdusted the office
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
