At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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