If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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