recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
