I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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