dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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