People in love make me want to vomit
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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