Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
