Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize