"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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