How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
