what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
