I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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