i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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