meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
True college students do jello shots in the library
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