Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
