Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
