Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
