Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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