i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
