conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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