i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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