i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
