I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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