I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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